I find I am angry quite often at my husband. I don’t go out of my way to pick fights, rather I feel he goes out of his way to pick fights with me. I know often it is when he is drinking. Alcohol does not do our relationship well. I have never given him an ultimatum that he quite drinking or I leave because he has to make that decision himself. Instead I pray and hope that things will change.
I have my own faults and I deal with my own issues. We all have issues that we have to face, just some different from others. I don’t think he is a bad person because he instigates arguments when he is drinking, in fact, he is a very caring and loyal person. Because of knowing who he is, I have struggled through the years with his ups and downs. But when is it enough for me?
I have asked myself, how many times do I brush it off and forgive? The reason I have made it this far is because the answer of…
Matthew 18:21-22 21Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”22Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.
This doesn’t mean literally 77 times. What this means is that you should always forgive as God ALWAYS forgives us of our sins because of his love for us. This is a tough lesson. While I know in my heart that I have asked for forgiveness of my own wrongdoings, I feel reassured and loved by God that he will ALWAYS love and accept me. This attribute is what a marriage is supposed to hold. This is why I say that your spouse should be your best friend…The person that will love you and accept you, even when you have done wrong… Because that wrong does not make the whole person. It is an instant…A mistake because we are not perfect.
So…I find myself angry often and I push myself to remember that I can not change him. I can not make him do anything he doesn’t not want to do. I pray that God will give a loving hand but I also know that His will be done….In due time.
I am still finding that I have trouble writing with anyone around. Even though this post could be read on the web by anyone, I still feel a sense of being alone with my thoughts here. But if I am not physically alone, I don’t feel comfortable with typing out my thoughts for someone else to look over my shoulder and scrutinize.
Particularly, I don’t want my husband to look over my shoulder; not because anything I say is disrespectful to him but because he is my biggest critic. I tend to take things more personally than what people intend and with that, I tend to take my husband’s words harsher than what he intends. This isn’t his fault, it is mine for being insecure.
My insecurity comes from my many experiences through life. And while my mother would encourage me to become whatever my heart desires, my heart aches because I do not hear encouraging words enough. I know I can do anything I set my mind to…But I am a person that needs someone else to give me loving nudges. I’m not lazy, just insecure…But I’m working on it…In due time.
Cheaper to keep her, those are some painful words when in regards to having a marriage. It seems that phrase can be put in place of my past and current marriage. Regardless of how angry you are, these words should never be said because you should not be able to put a price tag on ones that you supposedly love.
It was pointed out to me that since my first marriage produced 7 children, my marriage longevity may have been attributed to the phrase, ‘It is cheaper to keep her’. I guess if one is concerned about the child support payments, then yes, it would be cheaper. And yes, it could still be applied to my current marriage that it is cheaper to keep her because she helps to pay the bills or run a business. But is that how you want to live your life?
Those words are painful to hear have been said about me.
My daugther was informed by her father that they will not be able to visit him this summer due to “you mom over charging me for all the court shit” (typo intentional). First, the child support is reviewing the child support case because one of the children are now 18 years old. There is NOTHING I am doing to charge him anything in court. In fact, if he is being charged any more, it is because the COURT found he has further fullfillment required since the case was not last reviewed for 6 years now. Nor have I seen any increased child support…in fact, the child support has been less since the state took over the transfer of funds. But the implication that it was my fault for his issues with Child Support Services should have not been addressed with her and then made me think about the “cheaper to keep her” statement.
If you have a relationship that is on the edge of breaking, stop and think about what you say because you never know if those are the words that will cut the deepest…in due time.
There are a lot of parenting styles and a lot more books, blogs, and articles trying to help support these different parenting styles. There are parents that believe in being overly involved and attend to every whim of the child or parents that believe in giving freedom to explore different ideas. Whatever your style of choice, I say just make a choice and do your best.
I believe what parenting comes to is either do or don’t. What do I mean? Well, I have learned by watching others that a parent becomes one that either is involved or a parent that just hangs around and watches as the child evolves without much input. Of course a good parent wants to be involved but does the other parent know that one is lacking in giving the proper level of interaction?
We are so absorbed into social medias and phone apps that parents lose themselves for hours when they should be checking on their children and being a proactive part of their lives. Furthermore, because some parents get snap shots of their lives with their children, they seem to give off the impression that they are active participants when really those snap shots were times they paid attention and that was only to themselves to make sure they looked good in the pic before posting it. Society and parents have become so self-absorbed that it is hurting the children and teaching the children they have to be extreme to get any attention.
So, what is my point? Whatever your parenting style, choose a style and be an active parent. You may find one thing does not work but with the plethora of information at our fingertips, we can always find more information to help choose another style. So check on your kids grades, if there is any problem, you will not know unless you check and most often the child is not going to willingly tell you there is a problem in Geometry that is beginning to become a hurtful grade. Know what you children are doing, if you know who, what, when, where, and why…they will be less likely to get into trouble or think twice before doing something else because the child knows you are interested in their life.
If you are a parent, be an active part of your child’s life because they grow up and move out to be adults and busy with their own lives and families. And I don’t know about you, but I want to be sure that my children have a solid relationship with me that they will not forget me when they move on. And because I have been and am as proactive parent that wants to be the supporting and loving mom, I hope they will want to continue to share their lives and families with me…in due time.
When I met my husband 7 years ago, he had a pitbull named Junior. Junior was large, strong, very intimidating, playful, loved swimming, and was a huge teddy bear. I never had any problems with him being aggressive to me ever. I came into the marriage with a miniature dachshund, Lilly, and she rules over Junior. Junior has never done anything to ever hurt little Lilly. Lilly has even attacked him many of times over a toy or a bone but Junior ALWAYS lays down submissively to Lilly.
Fast forward to today, you would not see the 80 something pound dog you once saw before. Junior has aged over the years, as we all do. But dogs have a shorter life span and with the shorter life span, I get to watch Junior go down hill. Over the past couple years Junior has lost interest in eating and all the other things he use to do. He has gone from being the dog that wanted to snatch the ball and make you wrestle it from him to being a dog that can barely stand. There are days that I call him Bambi because he can barely keep his legs beneath him like a newborn with wobbly long legs. I call him Bambi so that I don’t feel the heartbreak.
Junior now weighs half as much as he use to and makes me look like I am a bad owner. I have gone through so many different ways to get him to gain weight but he can only eat so much in a day. Once I fed him so much that he vomited…so counter productive. I have tried Junior on soft dog food, I have changed his food to a higher quality food with a premium price, and I even feed him extra snacks. None of this has helped him to gain weight. My mother-in-law saw him and instantly started feeding him as if I were not already trying to get him to eat more. Initially it hurt my feelings because I thought she believed that I was neglecting him. But she has learned that Junior actually eats more than I do and still looks very thin.
I have read so many vet discussions, articles, tips, and blogs about skinny dogs, causes and helping them put on weight. But today I read something else…aging dogs tend to lose their appetite when they get closer to dying and as long as he is getting up to socialize and eat occasionally, I should be happy that he is still doing well. But it has not stopped me from still feeding him several small meals throughout the day. Today he got up to greet me and wagged his tail really well…he hasn’t had the energy to do that for some time. It was encouraging and made me smile, praise and love him more!
But I also have to face reality. My mother-in-law reminded me that with Junior being about 18 years old, he has already outlived many dogs of his kind. So here is my thought…I will be there and get him to eat until he is ready to lay down the last time. I will love Junior and make him as happy and comfortable as I possibly can because that is how I would want to be treated. I want to be surrounded by those that I love and be happy when my days come to an end. As for Junior, he too will be loved until he lays down to rest…in due time.
This is not an advertisement. Since I have not been feeling well with a lingering headache, I thought I would touch on something that I enjoy when I am not feeling well.
Zum Bar Goat’s Milk Soap
I use to enjoy Bath and Body Works and don’t get me wrong, I hope that store never discontinues the Moonlight Path scent! But my mother-in-law recently introduced me to Zum Bar during a grocery trip. I immediately fell in love with the Lavender-Lemon & Patchouli bar! At first I reluctant because the soap costs $1.59 per oz at our local store but my mother-in-law said she would buy it because we all need a small splurge every now and then. I was so grateful for her buying me that first bar because I was even more captivated by it when I showered!!! The shower was filled with the scent and after the first time I showered with it, I walked around the rest of the day thinking that everything smelled really good…but then my daughter commented about every time I walk by, she could smell me and my Zum Bar. It made me smile.
So, even if I am not feeling well, I will focus on the positive and look forward to the shower…when I can squeeze in my turn after mommy chores…in due time.
I didn’t write yesterday because I was hurting with a really bad headache that made me want to vomit and lay down. The pain lasted all day and has lingered all day today. I don’t know it is seasonal allergies, the change of the weather, or something new that I have eaten. The only thing new that I have eaten is a pre-cooked microwave bacon and blueberry muffin. While I tend to not believe that it was not the muffin, I fear it may have been the bacon. But to linger into today and this evening as well?
If it is seasonal allergies, then I am in a world of hurt soon because our work season is starting soon too.
To make matter worse, my husband and I have been arguing too. Arguing leads me to feel sick with the stress too. I have a lot to ponder about all that was said but it will have to wait for another day when I am feeling better…in due time.