Cheaper to keep her…Day 33

Cheaper to keep her, those are some painful words when in regards to having a marriage. It seems that phrase can be put in place of my past and current marriage. Regardless of how angry you are, these words should never be said because you should not be able to put a price tag on ones that you supposedly love.

It was pointed out to me that since my first marriage produced 7 children, my marriage longevity may have been attributed to the phrase, ‘It is cheaper to keep her’. I guess if one is concerned about the child support payments, then yes, it would be cheaper. And yes, it could still be applied to my current marriage that it is cheaper to keep her because she helps to pay the bills or run a business. But is that how you want to live your life?

Those words are painful to hear have been said about me.
My daugther was informed by her father that they will not be able to visit him this summer due to “you mom over charging me for all the court shit” (typo intentional). First, the child support is reviewing the child support case because one of the children are now 18 years old. There is NOTHING I am doing to charge him anything in court. In fact, if he is being charged any more, it is because the COURT found he has further fullfillment required since the case was not last reviewed for 6 years now. Nor have I seen any increased child support…in fact, the child support has been less since the state took over the transfer of funds. But the implication that it was my fault for his issues with Child Support Services should have not been addressed with her and then made me think about the “cheaper to keep her” statement.

If you have a relationship that is on the edge of breaking, stop and think about what you say because you never know if those are the words that will cut the deepest…in due time.

 

Parenting styles…Day 32

There are a lot of parenting styles and a lot more books, blogs, and articles trying to help support these different parenting styles. There are parents that believe in being overly involved and attend to every whim of the child or parents that believe in giving freedom to explore different ideas. Whatever your style of choice, I say just make a choice and do your best.

I believe what parenting comes to is either do or don’t. What do I mean? Well, I have learned by watching others that a parent becomes one that either is involved or a parent that just hangs around and watches as the child evolves without much input. Of course a good parent wants to be involved but does the other parent know that one is lacking in giving the proper level of interaction?

We are so absorbed into social medias and phone apps that parents lose themselves for hours when they should be checking on their children and being a proactive part of their lives. Furthermore, because some parents get snap shots of their lives with their children, they seem to give off the impression that they are active participants when really those snap shots were times they paid attention and that was only to themselves to make sure they looked good in the pic before posting it. Society and parents have become so self-absorbed that it is hurting the children and teaching the children they have to be extreme to get any attention.

So, what is my point? Whatever your parenting style, choose a style and be an active parent. You may find one thing does not work but with the plethora of information at our fingertips, we can always find more information to help choose another style. So check on your kids grades, if there is any problem, you will not know unless you check and most often the child is not going to willingly tell you there is a problem in Geometry that is beginning to become a hurtful grade. Know what you children are doing, if you know who, what, when, where, and why…they will be less likely to get into trouble or think twice before doing something else because the child knows you are interested in their life.

If you are a parent, be an active part of your child’s life because they grow up and move out to be adults and busy with their own lives and families. And I don’t know about you, but I want to be sure that my children have a solid relationship with me that they will not forget me when they move on. And because I have been and am as proactive parent that wants to be the supporting and loving mom, I hope they will want to continue to share their lives and families with me…in due time.

Life.Church…Day 25

I have always been a spiritual or religious person. For a long time I followed the labels. I explored different religions. I even attended Catholic Mass and confession during military basic training. But for a long time, because I found the Christian churches I went to were not Godly people, I taught my children the balance of life. I taught them right from wrong and respect for others. I even taught them the doubts I had on religion. For teaching them my doubts, I deeply regrets.

I fear that teaching them my doubts and not raising them with the label of Christianity has hurt them. Or at least, I fear it may have led a few further from the path than I had hoped.

This past October my sister-in-law invited us to Life.Church for the baptism of her two children. I was totally excited! When I got to the church, it was not what I expected. It was loud with colorful spotlights dark and bright at the same time like a concert. It was not a church I have ever attended! But we sat and was there for family. To my surprise, I enjoyed the service! I enjoyed it so much that I looked forward to hearing the next Sunday service. To be honest though, after a couple of months we stopped going in person and started casting it on the TV at home. While I prefer the at home on TV experience, my husband prefers the in person experience.

Each week there is something in the service that speaks to the happenings of my life. (Today Pastor Craig talked about his wife being his best friend…something I have been talking about with my husband) And while I have listened and learned each week, my heart always pulls me back to my older children that I did not raise in a Christian home. I worry most about my eldest that seems to struggle with finding the right person to share his life with. And I fear that my other son that now lives with him will share in the like emotional detachment. Don’t get me wrong, my children are good people and adults. I love them and am very proud of each of them. I just worry that some may have fallen away from God’s path too far.

So, what is the point of the blog today besides the rambling of my shortcomings and finding the right service? My point is never give up finding the right service for you. If you are searching for Jesus and need some guidance, pray. Don’t give up. I am happy to have found Life.Church. And if you have wouldn’t mind, please pray for my older boys that they will come back to the path of love and light with Jesus…in due time.

I Want to Believe But…Part 1 On-Demand God

I Want to Believe But…Part 2 Killjoy God

I Want to Believe But…Part 3 Goosebump God

I Want to Believe But…Part 4 Heartless God

 

February 11th…Day 24

It has been 18 years since February 11th, 1999…the day my father passed away. I was 24 yrs old when my dad passed and I was pregnant with child number 6. I never got to tell him that I was having another baby. He was concerned for me when I told him when I was pregnant with number 5. I hadn’t the chance to call him and tell him yet. Instead of me making a phone call to him, my eldest sister that I barely knew called me to tell me that he may not make it through the night.

I was on a plane that night! I flew all night and being in the early stages of pregnancy exhaustion, that was not an easy task. I wasn’t known well to my older siblings since I was the product of my father’s 3rd marriage. And since they didn’t know me and I was young and alone, I ended up stuffed in a corner. I watched as others talked and took my father down memory lane in his barely conscious morphine induced stupor. I was angry that morphine was forced down his throat when he was just starting to come out of it. I never really got to let him know that I was there. And for that, I hold a lot of regret.

I should have spoke at his funeral. I should have talked about his life when he lived in Florida because all these relatives knew of my father was when he lived in Michigan. I regret not talking to him more about the Great Depression…my father was born in 1929. I remember him telling me of the radio being the center of stories in the evening. My father lived through so much history and I now feel that I am at an wiser age to appreciate his stories…he is gone.

I used to have a fear of the age 45 years old. I grew up with my father being very ill through my years alone with him. He told me that doctors were surprised that he lived past 45 years old! I remember a night he was having a hard time getting a breath and I couldn’t find his pills. I was so scared. I talked to him about it afterwards and he told me that God would not take him until he had a full life. My dad told me his full life was when he saw me married with a family and know that his baby would be taken care of.
Well, my Dad lived a full life…and while I wish my children would have gotten to know him, I know he lives on through me.

I am no longer afraid of turning 45 years old because I know that I will be here for my children, just as my father was here for me. And I hope that they will know my father and me without any regrets…in due time.

Helping someone else organize…Day 20

I helped a friend with a task today. She will be moving soon and needed to organize her garage. It was definitely over packed with boxes and totes. I wish I had a before and after picture to show the progress that was made. But it truly made me realize that I am not the only one with the same problem I had.

We all collect things through the years. We have our childhood years that we want to hold onto some things to remind us of those carefree days. Then there is parenthood. Our children grow and go through so many phases, it is hard to find places for things they no longer need, want, or have grown out of. There are countless pictures and keepsakes made by their little hands with love just for you when you were the star in the sky to them. For one reason or another, we all seem to collect things through our lives and those things can soon become a storage shed or garage full that will suddenly seem impossible to tackle.

Today, my friend felt this way and called on me for help. I didn’t really feel like I was helping all that much in the beginning. I found like item boxes that could be condensed from 3 boxes to 1. She had a large trailer that moved the re-packed totes and boxes into for later moving. I even organized the like rooms to different sides of the trailer. After a few hours, some very dirty hands, and a bit of sweat, her garage was 3/4 empty! She admitted that each time she looked at the garage, she didn’t know were to start. But when you get someone else that is not attached to the belongs and not wanting to reminisce upon opening each box, the job was easier to tackle.

It was nice to look back at the garage when it was time for me to leave knowing that I did a good thing for a friend today. And while I know we all seem to collect stuff through the years for sentimental reasons, we can’t keep everything and you at some point have to let some of the stuff go too…in due time.

Stay Calm…Day 19

My daughter had an accident today. She was her typical self that went full force peddling her bike towards a bike ramp she had never tried before. Needless to say, the ramp won and her chin needed stitches. My older daughter was with her and called me right away. I could hear her voice staying calm but also wanting to get her point across that her sister was hurt and needed me. I was proud that she stayed calm.

Once my daughter whom was hurt saw me and I confirmed for her after looking at her chin that she needed stitches, she started to get wide eyed and scared. I told her to look at me in the eyes and told her that she was fine and to stay calm. I reminded her this a few times and it seemed to help. Maybe it was just me keeping myself calm…

But I realized that each time an emergency happens, my first reaction is to hurry up and get there!!!! But once I start to feel like I things are speeding up, I remind myself to slow down and stay calm. Staying calm is always the best way to approach an emergency. If you stay calm, your field of vision widens and you can see and think more clearly.
So, lesson today here kiddos? When you feel like things start to spiral out of control and your field of vision narrows, take a deep breath, slow down, and stay calm.

All turned out fine, 7 stitches, a cool story, some smiles and laughs later, being the better medicine. Kids will be kids and get bumps and bruises throughout their phases of life. And the wound will heal…in due time.

Pajamas…Day 17

From the time that we are little ones, we have been changed into pajamas for bed. There was nothing like a nice warm bath and some snuggly pajamas to get you ready for a slumber. The pajama attire can come in many forms from snuggly to sexy. Personally, I prefer the snuggly and never desired anything more than what serves for my cozy bedtime.

Why do we have pajamas for bed and not just go to bed in the clothes we did out day long activities in? Well, I explain to my children quite often that your daily activities show on your clothes, even if you don’t see it. The daily germs, bugs, and viruses will cling to your clothes. Someone else is sick and sneezes or coughs on you, it is best to not take those germs to bed and incubate in them. Therefore, you most hygienic solution is to shower and put on your clean pajamas before bed.

But there is another flip side…staying in your pajamas beyond or too long into your daily activities. Sure, I am not one to get up immediately and get dressed. I tend to lag around getting coffee and going to the bathroom. But once I am ready to start my day, it is time to get dressed. Have you ever stayed in your pajamas all day long? You were probably either sick and in bed or just did not have a very productive day. I think getting up and getting dressed for the day helps one to be ready to accomplish more and encourages you to not be lazy throughout the day.

Then there are people I have seen go to the store in their pajamas. Ok, I just have to be honest and tell you, if you go to the store in your pajamas you look like a lazy bum that couldn’t even bother to look presentable. If I see you in the store shopping in your pajamas, I am going to hope that you are sick and just stopping to get what will remedy your ailment.

And last, but not least as to why pajamas are so important AND why I have never understood why or how some people could sleep withOUT pajamas….
Fire! Fire!
What if there was a fire? Do you run around trying to get everyone out naked? Do you run out while the house is a blaze without a stitch of clothing on and all your clothes are in the burning house? What the heck? There is no way I would want to have to worry about throwing on clothes or standing outside in my skin for all to see in such a tragedy.

Pajamas can be great when worn properly. So, enjoy some great pajamas and if you don’t have any great pajamas, maybe you should go out and find the right pair that will make you smile and say, “Now those will make me snuggly, warm, and happy in bed”…in due time.

Slow down…Day 15

I am getting to the age that I feel as if time is speeding up. I can remember things back to when I was only 2 yrs old; things seemed so fast and I never had enough time to absorb everything. As I aged, I couldn’t wait to grow up and enjoyed the fast pace so much that I had a house full of 7 children and still found time to throw in other jobs here and there. But now, I realized that time stayed the same but with maturity I was able to keep up. I can no longer keep up the same speedy pace and see now I wish I would have slowed down sooner to savor the moments more.

My babies are growing up and some even having babies of their own. My other babies are either in college, getting ready for college, or dreaming of the things they plan on doing when they are “grown”…of which being only a few years away.

I see my babies having babies and it has me in awe that I did all that and then some. I see the cycle of life and I realized as this circle has made me a Nana, I want to slow down again and try to take everything in because it is just zooming by too fast. I am looking forward to more weddings, more births, more graduations, more happy tearful times.

So, if you have a mom that hugs you a bit longer or sends you a text telling you she loves you… Or maybe a Nana that calls you to come bake or have cookies with her… Take the time to let that one know that you love her because she is one of your biggest fans!

I love you, Ma…even though you don’t even know that I have written this, I am okay with you not knowing of my writing because I have told you how much I love and appreciate you. I’m sorry I had to come to know how much I love you with the wisdom of time…but that’s the point…in due time.

Slow Down by Nichole Nordeman

Roles…Day 14

Sometimes we play a role on someone’s life that could be profound. You could be the Emergency Medical Technician that serves the role of saving your life. But sometimes you could also be effected by the role someone else may play in your life. You will not always know the role that you or someone else will play, so be sure that you play that role to your best ability.

My daughter is going to college to become a Paramedic. I worry, of course, because I am a mother. The role she will have to take on is a strong and calm role. I am not worried that she will not be able to do it. No, that girl can do anything she sets her mind to. But I worry because there are several roles she will have to take on in her life that could cause her to question her own role from time to time. A paramedic can not save everyone. While saves and helping others is the role of the EMT/Paramedic, there are times that God has other plans.

To my daughter, if you should ever read this…Don’t ever lose sight that God does what HE sees fit. God will help you and others but there are times that He does not. It is not your job to be God. It is your job to do His will, thy will be done. I love you. I am your biggest fan and I will ALWAYS be here in triumphs or even if you just need to cry.

Roles…we all have several parts…do your best always and maybe you will learn the profound role you had…in due time.

Coffee

How does coffee fit with In Due Time? Well, besides the obvious that I do not allow my children to drink coffee until the age of 16 yrs old…caffeine studies have shown that it can stunt growth in youth. Which, if you ask my 15 yr old daughter, she would tell you that it smells really good and she can’t wait to turn 16! However, if you ask one of my older children, coffee makes that one jittery and need to really poop. I saw a coffee cup that read on it, “Coffee makes me poop”. Is that a common happening? Sadly, the mug was in the shape of poop too…I passed buying it as a funny gift.

I remember when my father allowed me to drink coffee for the first time too when we went to a restaurant called Big Boy’s. Haha I thought I was a Big Girl that day! But then I tasted the coffee and couldn’t seem to figure out why everyone liked it so much. I tried sugar. I tried creamer. I tried milk. No, that coffee was gross but I smiled through it committed to drinking coffee with my dad, secretly wishing I just had ordered a soda instead. Coffee back then was no Starbucks! Seriously, I went back to ordering soda or hot cocoa at each of our later diner or IHOP visits.

I later learned that my mother drank “International Coffee”. Umm, I believe the only reason they named it International Coffee is because they had flavors like ‘French Vanilla’, ‘Suisse Mocha’, or ‘Cafe Vienna’. Honestly, these didn’t taste much of coffee as they were really an instant mix that had dried flavored creamer in it. To much my dismay, my mother also drank decaffeinated coffee. Now if that doesn’t scream it isn’t coffee, I don’t know what does. Coffee…without caffeine….how cruel. I later went through a phase where I did drink the “International Coffee” WITH caffeine….but then again, that phase didn’t last long and I went back to drinking water or soda again.

I am now in my 40’s….and I have found I like coffee. Ok, not just any coffee. I don’t want Starbucks (although there was a brief phase I enjoyed the Vanilla Bean Iced Frappuccino with a shot of espresso).  I don’t want an instant imitation wanna-be coffee. I want 8 o’clock coffee with Nestle Coffee-Mate Chocolate creamer. So here is the phase of my life where I would love to sit, chat and drink coffee for hours….and my Dad is missing it…or I’m missing my Dad.

My dad was a man who enjoyed his coffee and eating in greasy local diners.
It took me a while to get to this phase in my life.
So if you don’t like coffee right now, it’s ok.
Drink a soda with your dad because it will happen in due time.

Day 4